I have to admit this is a really great day. I don’t know as expected I have had a lot of ups and downs. And even tears of sorrow, but for one of the first times since my husband’s death 3 years ago, I feel like I am putting my life together as it should be.
It is such a hard thing to lose the center of your universe to illness and watch them go from a thriving successful independent man – to a shell of themselves as they go to the next great adventure without you. That is a story for another day – right now it is just gratitude that I am feeling for what I have.
I believe I have turned the corner this week on serious health issues and It looks like the lawsuit that was filed against me and my husband’s estate may be winding down.
This situation on top of the death of my husband of 27 yrs. is really I am sure the crux of the problems I am having with my health and mental wellbeing.
I am analyzing myself and my life lately – trying to figure out what I really want and how to fit the pieces together. This is hard to do when you are in the middle of a personal crisis and you know that your life as you know it is gone.
With a little distance, I have now been able to try to reinvent who I am and what I am about. I am sure with the help of those that have gone before me – protecting me and prompting me along the way.
One thing I can tell you is that this feeling I am sure will be something that is a come and go thing because I still have that great sense of loss and grief. That deep loneliness that hits out of nowhere.
I know it is part of the process. And my hope that in writing these articles of journaling my thoughts and actions it will help all of you who have had great losses in your life have hope that on the other side you can live a life that is full of promise and light – even when you have such tremendous loss.