Prayers Answered

I had a total breakdown last night. It had been coming for a few days. I don’t think I have felt that desperation in a long time. I felt defeated and alone – I missed my husband and the comfort and love he gave me, and I wanted to be held and feel safe.

We had a real marriage with bad times and good times. He was not an easy man to live with, but he loved me, and there was never any doubt. Our love withstood the test of time until his transition. The health struggle he endured the last few years of his life was both painful and bittersweet. It was one of the greatest love stories a, deep spiritual love I would have never felt had we not gone through that trial of fire.

Uncertainties

Now almost four years, I felt that deep dark abyss brought on by the reality of a love affair that was coming to an end – trying to break off a relationship that I knew we either had to commit to or move on.

My love can’t make a total commitment at this time. There are doubts about our differences and how we would make it work. We are so different, and I cannot lose myself on this journey called life. My spiritual growth is much more about spirituality. He finds comfort in his religion. A religion that guided him and helped him throughout his life. I respect that. I can see the good in the teachings of the church. But long ago have rejected a lot of the dogma associated with the judgments that come with an organized religion. So many complications to the story would it be better if we walked away? 

The Future

I don’t want to go through that pain, but we have to come to a real and vital decision for both of us.

I have been on my knees – asking for help, asking God and my loved ones who have gone before me for guidance and support.

Today as I decided to give myself some grace and take a nap, I woke up and realized I am strong. The sadness and despair that plagued me suddenly turned to the strength of thought. I know I have so much to be thankful for – and I have a bright future no matter what lays ahead.

Honestly, I can say I am blessed beyond measure. I can see a bright future with what I am given and what I have to accomplish in this chapter of my life. I have my challenges, but that said, I do know I will be alright.

Things that need to be done will unfold, and I will use my power of prayer and intuition to make the changes required.

Thank you, God – thank you for answering my need for comfort. Thank you for the clarity of thought and for helping us with the answers that lay ahead.